Twilight at the Rohde's

So this summer there was a whole ton of estrogen raging through my house devouring book after book of this annoying little series called "Twilight". It was worship at its finest as the characters took center stage in all conversations from about mid-summer till school started. Constant quizzing with questions like, "Do you think Edward could seduce a gorilla?" and "Do you think Edward's penis is like an icicle? How could that be comfortable?" blanketed lunch and dinner time repartee.

Seeing the delight that my wife took in reading the books and also realizing that it isn't fare for me to fully despise the chronicles until I myself have read them, I decided to allow Pam to read the books to me. For the last two-ish weeks Pam has been reading the books to me at night when the kids go to bed. We are definitely not speeding through the books as I usually get about three pages read before I can't stop myself from falling asleep.

Pam has been patient though and last night we read two full chapters! I consider myself a martyr. Here are my thoughts so far. For those of you who have read the books, we are to the place where the "visitors" have just arrived and the "tracker" has caught on to Bella and they are trying to decide what to do about it. Emmit is the only sane one in the group.

The writer, Stephenie Meyer, is an entertainer. She is funny and contemporary and genuine. She is also incredibly, unapologeticly, female, and it seeps through every word of her book. Don't be offended, this isn't a bad thing as her books have obviously topped the charts and made her rich and famous, but seriously, it is true.

Bella, the main character is annoying, snobby, and conceited. She plays the "I'm too ugly and not good enough for anyone" card throughout while scoffing at every other student in her school and seeing them as unintelligent, shallow, immature, kids. Let's put it this way, Bella is allowed to be in love and be all woozy about it. Her friends would be made fun of by Bella if they were this way. In fact, she took a phone call from one friend that had just kissed another of Bella's friends and was SOOOOOO excited, and Bella couldn't even give her the time of day on the phone. Listening politely as she thought about herself. She is my least favorite character.

Edward is cool except he somehow likes Bella. It makes as much sense as a cat entering a dog show.

Charlie seems really great since he lets Bella live with him. He is her dad. He should have been played by Dennis Quaid in the movie. That is just who I picture playing his part. I don't know why.

Jacob doesn't have a big part in this book but apparently he becomes more important as things progress. So far he seems OK, but lets face it, Bella uses him as a tool.

The Cullen family (Edward's faux fam.) They are really pretty cool. My favorite parts of the book are definitely when the Cullens are around. My favorite, though, is Alice. I don't know why, but she is just the one I like best.

Reading this book, thus far, has been a good experience over-all. At least I can fairly say that it is NOT as good as everyone around me this summer made it out to be. I liken it to watching a Vikings vs. Packers football game on my TV. I LOVE watching football. It is great. But on my TV about every 10 seconds it will go all pixely and pause for a second or two because it is on a converter box and the reception is just not strong where we are at. The game is good and fun, but it is crazy annoying that it cuts out sporadically throughout. Twilight does the same thing. The story is good and just when you are getting into it a bit Bella goes into a paragraph soliloquy about how Edward looks like a model in a raincoat (Joel puts fingers down his throat and gags). Good story laced with ultra-cheesy romantic gestures makes Twilight a GREAT book for teens and a mediocre book for adults.

That is my personal view of the book. I understand that 9 out of 10 people are ridiculously obsessed with Twilight and would shoot down everything I wrote. Fine. I don't care. They are also the same people that say we should be accepting of all views and opinions. It's BS; smoke blown out of two sides of the mouth.

My brother Jase, by the way, isn't allowed to have any opinions about anything for the next two years until he is able to float back down to earth from la la land. That isn't meant to be a slam. You see he is engaged and is SUPPOSED to be hovering on cloud nine. I am SUPER DEEEE DUPER happy for him. It's not even that I would disagree with him. In fact, I would probably agree with him fully on most things that he would have an opinion about, however his opinions don't count for awhile. It is a fair trade. By the way, on things that aren't opinion and just fact, he remains a starter in the game. Listen to Jase's advice on crucial, truth matters. Not necessarily his opinion on gray matters. They are rose colored to him right now. I love you Jase:)