Food Nazi Week Day 1

Pam has declared this week Food Nazi Week. Though she never actually named it that, I have given this week its rightful title due to its regimented nature, and its cleansing intentions. Anyway, I will explain the rules of "Food Nazi Week" and for the next 7 days (that's including this one) I will journal my experience.

Rules

On January 22 at 3:32PM I received the following in my e-mail inbox.

Dear Joel,

Attached is a personalized, custom dining plan for one week for your perusal. Yes, the daily calories are pretty low for a guy, but it would be ideal for a kick-off week for fitness. I worked really hard on it and want to try it. Not included is, of course, lots of water, and you could probably sneak some diet Pepsi in too - maybe save it for exclusively after kids are in bed or something.

Love,
Pam

Attached to the e-mail was the file which can be downloaded here.

I have posted these things with permission from my wife. I want to make it clear that the whole Nazi dictator thing is a complete joke. I am allowed to eat as much fruit or veggies as I want beyond the plan and this is only for ONE week. Anyway, I don't want anyone getting any ideas that Pam is trying to run my life, she is just throwing together some good food to eat that is healthy and good for our family as a whole. AND if she DID want to run my life, I'd probably let her. However, in the spirit of my own sick fun I will refer to my wife throughout this blog exclusively as the Food Nazi Dictator (or FND).

Day 1

Today marks the first day of Food Nazi Week. We started off with a bowl of Crispix. I don't eat breakfast, almost ever... I'm not a big fan of cereal and I'd rather just get up and go. I realize this isn't a good habit but it's what I do. I ate the bowl of cereal and a banana. It was good, but nothing to write home about. Just to blog about I guess.
After our weekly trip for groceries we headed home and I was promptly served a bowl of sliced apples and peanut butter. I enjoyed it. The apples were good but the best part was sitting at the table with Gabriel and munching them. He ate them in half the time it took me.
Because we would have Cooper today at noon, Food Nazi Dictator went on her run right after snack time. Cooper came and so did lunch. We had open faced tuna sandwiches and steamed broccoli and I had an orange.
FND and I stayed up late last night because we decided we were going to start at season one of "Lost" at Hulu.com and we got hooked right away. The stupid show leaves you hanging big-time after every episode. We couldn't let it go. Anyway, we got to bed much later than usual and were very tired come post lunch. In a rare moment at the Rohde's everyone in the house napped at the same time. I woke first and put on my running clothes and did a quick 3 miles (which is getting to be pretty easy and normal). Then got home and sat down as FND presented me with carrots and light ranch dressing to dip them in. I didn't eat the ranch. It wasn't any good really. I did eat all my carrots though. I really enjoyed that time too because, again Gabriel ate with me and, again he ate super duper fast. He loves veggies. I like them, he LOVES them. There's a difference between like and love, like...I like my Prada Backpack, but I LOVE my Sketchers.
When supper rolled around we were going to eat burgers. Not just any burgers, however. Seriously, the very best burgers I've ever had in my life; hands down. Food Nazi Dictator got a new recipe book, and the thing has been dynamite any time she's used it. Tonight, FND was the Enola Gay dropping a freaking A-Bomb on Rohde-shima. It was an incredible meal. Let me explain these things to you. Turkey, not beef. No mustard, ketchup, mayo, or any other kind of sauce. Chili Peppers mixed in the Turkey. Topped with lettuce, tomato, pepper-jack cheese, red onion, and avocado. If you would have told me that is what we were having last night I would have probably not been looking forward to it. I know that if anyone is actually reading this they are possibly thinking, no way, never. You HAVE to try this recipe. It is unbelievable. I have never tasted such a flavorful burger in my life. Red-Robin should put this on the menu. It is less than half the calories of a burger you would get at McDonald's and 100 times as good. I don't care if you like veggies or not, you must try it. I grilled the burgers too, which is fun in 5 degrees with a 40mph wind and a light snow. We also had Sweet Potato fries that were from the recipe book. They were good as well. FND said they were her favorite part. They were absolutely yummy. To top it off we had pees. I love pees. It was a great meal.

Because we so enjoy the time together Food Nazi Dictator planned a late night snack for each night this week. Tonight is Tostitos and Salsa. Altogether today we will have consumed under 2000 calories which is about 1200 calories less than what I would need to eat to maintain my current weight. Add to that 3 miles running you can subtract about 350-400 calories, it makes for a good day. I am not hungry at all and I liked everything I was given to eat with the exception of the light ranch dressing. I look forward to the rest of...

Food Nazi Week.