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Disclaimer: After reading over what I had written I realized that it gets quite harsh. I recognize we are ALL broken. I'm at no point meaning to attack any specific person or people, or church. I am in ministry and I am extremely thankful to be where I am in the church family that I am in. If God gave me the opportunity to judge and choose each person in my church, I would choose everyone that is there. I'd choose some rather different people as well, though. Basically I am saying this...THE church is broken, your church, and mine. Eventually you have to face that brokenness so that you can receive the love of Christ. I am not sure it was only I writing this whole mess. Oh, and I am going to read it again and time it so that I can warn everyone how long it will take in the "Title" of this blog.

I have no idea why, but I can't sleep. There has been so much on my mind lately. I am constantly convicted of my selfishness. I am constantly trying to figure out what it means to lose my life for Christ. I am constantly pondering what Jesus means when he says,

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done. I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom."

I know that Jesus knows my limitations and what I need to do in order to "lose" my life for Him, but what is he demanding of us? I know the simple answer. Many would say, well Jesus really isn't making a blanket statement here about some absolute thing that you must do, but it is different for everyone. But I want to know, how long will we use that approach to justify watching injustice happen all around us? How long will we stand at the pulpit on Sunday morning and tell people nicely that they are to give a "tithe" to God and forget this very statement. Jesus tells the rich man to sell everything. Jesus doesn't stop there. Notice that we only talk about "tithe" and "stewardship" when referring to money. What the heck?

I have been observing many people who have been very close to me for the past few weeks. They come from all extremes in this. I have unfairly judged people on these observations, as if I'm the expert of casting off myself. I just feel like there is truth that needs to be said, and no one is saying it. There are people around me who daily worry so much about their lawn, their house, their level of cleanliness, their checkbook, the economy, what other people are going to think about them or the things that they are a part of, what they look like, their pet's exercises program, their diet, their status, etc... What gets me is they do it all in the name of Jesus! JESUS!!! If you ask them how they have lost their life they would probably reply something like, well I gained the courage to knock on the door of my neighbors house and asked them to come to church.
I'm sorry, but WTF? You asked them to come to CHURCH? CHURCH!? Where we constantly worry about how nice our stuff is, how great our music sounds, the impression we make on that neighbor as he/she walks through the door, the "appeal" of our children's programs, the bait we can use to get people to "join" our small groups and life groups, how we can make church more "comfortable", etc...
Don't get me wrong. Those are good things. People should come to church, people should ask their neighbor to come to church. But how far do we go before we start believing that we actually have something to do with people's conversion to Christ?
My brother Jase just told an AMAZING story about how he got to witness Christ's mercy, grace, and justice, with a friend and new part of God's family. What follows is a brief, uninformed, summary.

Long story short, a fifth year senior, atheist, who lives on his floor and hangs out in his room often has been encountering guys his entire college career that love him and have something different going on in their lives. This guy finds himself in the wrong place at the wrong time when a Bible study breaks out in the room he's hanging out in. He keeps coming, but always silent, always refuting in his mind. He hears someones testimony at a Christian worship celebration, and while in my brother's room decides that he wants to believe and follow this Jesus guy who loved him so much that he gave his life for him.

Why do I tell you this story, because I want to point out something that the church doesn't dwell on enough. Jase had NOTHING to do with that process. Not even a little bit. Jase if your reading, hear me out. The Holy Spirit reveals himself when He decides to. This guy had been wrestling with Jesus for awhile, he was directed on a path that led him to Jase's room, Jase felt God lead him to do something and Jase did it. But here's the kicker, the Holy Spirit could have revealed Himself to this guy at any point in the process. He could have chosen to meet this guy years before, or in another person's room, or on the toilet or something. Jase talked about an awkward moment during the night. That was pivotal. All of a sudden nothing mattered to Jase and he was filled with Christs love for this guy. God's grace is so great that it provided the very air that filled that room so that Jase could speak the words that he spoke.

When will we get this? When will we stop trying to impress each other, then invite people to church so that they can learn how to properly impress each other? When will we stop trying to gain and start giving everything?

I witnessed two people in my life sell everything they owned and head to the unknown. Since then child after child has experienced the love of Jesus for the first and maybe only time they ever will because of these people. They have changed the course of History. These people have suffered much. They've lived on a roller coaster with a few highs and some deep lows. They would never go back though, because the greatest award awaits them when they get home. They are tempted everyday to give in to those people that wonder what they are doing and comment about it behind closed doors. But they know a different Jesus than we know. They know the Jesus that touched the leper, and healed the blind. They've forgotten the "Wal-Mart" Jesus that we've created.

There is a woman that spend most of her time working at BP so that she can keep care of her family and fix up the damage done by the flood this year. She was literally homeless for two weeks at the height of the flood. Her name is Tammy and while we are at church on Sunday morning, Jesus is at BP................weeping.

When we stop worrying about ourselves and start worrying about Tammy and the drunk, the gay guy, the transvestite, the stripper, the prostitute, the poor, the hurting, the people who don't dress as nice, or smell as nice, or have a disability, or a disease or are too old, or too crazy, or are just plainly the least of these, when we start worrying about them enough to enter into their lives just to love them, when we hear THEM say to US, "God is good". THEN we have experienced the eternal. We will experience such heavenly blessings that we will NEVER go back to Wal-Mart Jesus.